5 Surefire Ways Pan Am Can Increase Ticket Sales

Well, the Pan Am games are here and nobody seems to care. In fact, I polled five people at the corner of 5 & 10 and it appears that Ariana Grande licking donuts and Caitlyn Jenner's new evening gown is getting more play than the Games. I am DISGUSTED by the lack of fandom and I have decided to write a list of ideas to help sell more tickets to the Pan Am Games.

5 - Drake Night

Just imagine showing up to watch dressage (horse ballet - yes that IS an event at the Pan Am Games) and as you wait for your favourite horse and rider to arrive in the arena, you hear "STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW THE WHOLE TEAM HERE!" from the loud speakers. In he comes, Forrest Hill's finest, on his trusty horse, ready to light the crowd up. OVO BABY!

4 - 10 cent Beer Night

In 1974, the Cleveland Indians introduced 10 Cent Beer Night in a desperate attempt to draw in more fans. While reviews are mixed as to how it went, no one can deny the effectiveness of cheap alcohol and sport. To be honest, I can't get through a professional baseball game without a couple $15 beers, much less a sport like Slalom Canoeing.

3 - Fan Participation Night

Well, it's Saturday night and the Pan Am Games are in Mississauga. You load the wife and kids into that minivan of yours and head out to watch some exciting judo. Your favourite athlete from Ecuador is participating and you can hardly contain your excitement. Now, with this idea, you can let your children watch you get tossed around like a rag doll while your wife laughs with glee!

2 - Free Burrito Night

If I were contemplating buying a ticket to the Pan Am Games and I could not decide if I should do just that or stay at home and watch reruns of Growing up Godi, a free halibut burrito form Burrito Boyz would get me spending my paper faster than Manny Pacquiao at a Pancit festival.

1 - HOV lanes only for ticket holders of the Pan Am games.

Can you imagine for one second that all people had to do was buy tickets to the events to get to drive in the HOV lanes? People would be buying tickets left, right and center and every event would be sold out. Whether these people would actually go to the events is another question entirely.

BONUS: Have Yours Truly Emcee an Event:

Here is a little tidbit of information 1) I have the voice of a young Luther Vandross and 2) I am known as Mississauga's George Clooney. Put those together and you have a recipe for success. I just want to make it known that I would be honored to emcee or call any event for the Pan Am Games in Mississauga as long as I have a street named after me and a bronze statue of my likeness outside of Pho Hung.

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