Buffalo radio station offers five funny reasons America should annex Niagara Falls

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Published January 14, 2022 at 11:56 am

See that large falls in the middle of the picture? That's Horseshoe Falls on the Canadian side. See the tiny one on the left? That's the American Falls. Not saying bigger is better but, well, come on, it is!

It may have passed under the radar on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls but last Canada Day, a Buffalo radio station had some fun at our expense – although it was totally tongue-in-cheek.

Dave Fields, who works for Buffalo radio station Country 106.5, compiled a list of five reasons that Niagara Falls, Ontario should be annexed into the U.S.

Fields started by acknowledging it was July 1, Canada Day, and actually offered up some solid knowledge on how Canada Day (formerly Dominion Day until 1982 when it was renamed) began and why.

But he added, with no doubt with a grin, “While the country of Canada celebrates now would be the perfect time for us to cross over the border and annex Niagara Falls, Ontario into the United States. Of course, we would do it non-violently and it just makes lots of sense of why Niagara Falls Canada should be part of America.”

He then offered up his five reasons, starting with:

“1. It has a better view of the falls. Having both sides of the falls under one county would allow easier travel for tourists and allow a greater promotion of the area.”

He’s not wrong. Horseshoe Falls on the Canadian side handles over 90 per cent of the water flow along the Niagara River while the American Falls deposits less than 10 per cent of the water into Lake Ontario. Bigger is better when it comes to nature’s handiwork. If the Grand Canyon is one of the seven wonders of the world, so to is Niagara Falls – but only the Canadian side.

“2. We wouldn’t have to worry about “Border Closures”. COVID-19 has proven that we love going over the border, but with it closed lots of Western New Yorkers were upset they could just go a couple of miles over some water. Having Niagara Falls, Ontario as part of the US would just make traveling easier.”

Ugh, the restrictions both Canadians and Americans have had to endure through this pandemic. Trust me, both Niagara Falls Mayor Jim Diodati and Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown are not thrilled with them and would love to swap tourists with ease again. Some day soon, we hope.

“3. Two Niagara Falls is just confusion. Telling people that you live near Niagara Falls, you always have to say the US or Canada. If Niagara Falls was totally under the US, you wouldn’t have to say which country. It would just be Niagara Falls.”

Alternately, the U.S. could just give us their Niagara Falls. I mean, come on, we already have 90 per cent. Give us your part and we’ll see what we can do about getting Connor McDavid in a Sabres uniform.

“4. Boaters would love it. How many times have you been on the river hoping not to cross the international border? Will all of Niagara Falls in the US you would haven’t to worry about it.”

Well, you’re already in Lake Ontario – not Lake New York – so we kind of have the squatters rights to that on the Canadian side, anyway. But we’ll always happily share it.

5. It is the American Way! We see something we like, we want it, we go get it. Have you ever been to Niagara Falls and said I wish that side was on the American side? Well, now it can be!

While Dave Fields’ knowledge of Canada Day is first-rate, he could use a refresher course on the War of 1812. Your forefathers already tried that 210 years ago. Didn’t work out so well for your side. (In actual fact, while everyone says Canada won the War of 1812, Canada didn’t exist yet. On our our side, it was British and French settlers and some seriously good Indigenous fighters who won that war.)

But, Dave, if you ever pop up here, a Timmies coffee and doughnuts (that’s how we spell it) are on us for giving us a good laugh.

 

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