Brampton’s Craziest Craigslist Personal Ads

Published April 10, 2017 at 5:22 am

People looking for–and finding–love online is nothing new. In fact, eHarmony reports that 36 per cent of Canadian use dating sites.

People looking for–and finding–love online is nothing new. In fact, eHarmony reports that 36 per cent of Canadian use dating sites.

But while online dating has largely been destigmatized and is now recognized as a great way for single people of all ages to put themselves out there and connect with myriad potential matches, the quirky (and fun) little oddity known as the Craigslist Missed Connections is still setting itself apart by being, well, delightfully weird.

If you’re not familiar with Missed Connections, it basically functions as a shot-in-the-dark destination for people hoping to connect with that sexy stranger they saw lifting weights at the gym, trying on hoodies at the mall or panhandling near Shopper’s World.

Here are five amusing Missed Connection personal ads posted on Craigslist. Perhaps, by highlighting these anonymous lover calls, we’ll help two people connect.

5) Seeking College Cuddle Buddy

No matter where life take you, you never forget your best cuddle friend.

“This is a long shot and a half… you were the only guy that I was able to cuddle with and fall asleep where I felt safe. There were never any expectations we never did anything more than sleep in each other’s arms… I miss it greatly… I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish here but yeah … I miss you a lot I’m out in Alberta now we tried reconnecting when I moved up to parry sound but life was happening then and I wasn’t able to go meet up with you this was back in 09 the beginning of… I miss my cuddle buddy I really hope you see this but I doubt it…. I miss you Jason …I still think about you everyday and wish I had made the first move but we were both so shy and innocent back then.”

4) Someone Who Hates Friend-Zoned People Who Leave Them Alone with Chips

This one is hard to interpret, so we’ll leave the guesswork to you:

“To everybody in the friend zone. Have some common decency and show up to your outposts once in a while. Now I have a whole bag of chips and a bottle of orange crush all to myself. Then y’all are like ‘you have a nice ass’, and I, like, already KNOW you’re just being a lying whore monger trying for nookie. Anyways, the friend zone exists for a reason.”

3) Sparks Fly in Church

If you’re a white haired man with an earring, another man is looking for you.

“We were at St Anthony’s Church (McKay and North Park) on March 4th and you were sitting in front of me – it was a confirmation service no less. Such a good looking guy, big chest nice looking face. Sexy haircut with a silver hoop earring on one of your ears. We locked eyes on each other at one point I hope you noticed I was starring. Regardless you looked down for fun and I can sense your intensity. I was wearing a white shirt with a goldish tie, black hair and glasses. Would love to meet to see what we could get up to – your sex appeal was off the charts.

Hope you see this.”

2) Sexual Tension at the LCBO

Never tell a man with fine taste in craft brews that his choice of beer is “cute” if you don’t want to fill the aisles of the LCBO with sexual tension.

“I was buying sweet, delicious, golden nectar of the gods from Flying Monkey Brewing and you mentioned that it sounds like a “cute beer”. Firstly there isn’t anything cute about the beer I was purchasing. It will do exactly what it was designed to do. What is that you might be asking yourself. It’ll get you drunk. Secondly when I asked if I looked like a guy that drinks cute beers and you replied I was, I couldn’t help but notice the sexual tension that suddenly filled that checkout aisle in the liquor store. All of a sudden we had entered that all too familiar age old dance. The timeless art of seduction. When I looked at you I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling. Then our eyes finally met and the electricity between us could have lit the lights of that store of at least 15, maybe 20 minutes. How I’d like to ride that lightening again. Contact me if you’d like to see just how good this beer is at making you make bad drunken decisions.”

1) Seeking her Sean from Breaker High

Please click the above link because there is a very adorable dog in the posting. There’s also a great Breaker High reference.

This poster may or may not be real, but one can dream.

“Neils, you give me the coziest feeling. Like chocolate pudding and vanilla cupcakes. Forgive my naivety but even after all these years, I think of you fondly. Too bad I was in the grip of social anxiety of I would of made you my Sean from Breaker High. I wish for you to be my mate, and we can make a fine litter of puppies together.”

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