5 Annoying Things City Centre Condo Dwellers Would Understand

 

My fellow condo dwellers: do you like apartment living?

I absolutely love it. If you hate yardwork and earn a more modest income, condos are perfect. You don't have to shovel a driveway, rake leaves or maintain a pristine lawn. You pay for these services in your ever-climbing fees, but you don't have to pull out the tools and get down and dirty on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

It's perfect for me because I was forced to garden one time (at a near-stranger's cottage, no less!) and I screamed every time I saw a worm.

And then several black flies bit me and my lymph nodes swelled and I thought I had cancer and would have to listen, from purgatory, to people lie about all the things they loved about me at my tragically sad funeral.

So I love living in a condo, basically.

I also love living in a City Centre condo because I can walk to pumpkin spice lattes and, if I'm feeling extra sporty, the LCBO (pro tip: bring a reusable grocery bag and never try to carry a six-pack of cider with the flimsy cardboard handle because your fingers will hurt for days if you do). That said, there are some odd things I've noticed about the neighbourhood in the short time I've been there and they are as follows:

1)    The Rabba Boys

In the warmer months, there's a group of people (predominantly guys, if I recall) who chill in front of the Living Arts Drive Rabba and socialize under the silver Mississauga moonlight, night after night. It's made me wonder what, if anything, is so magical about this spot? These people tend to linger long after the froyo place closes, so it can't be the delicious toppings that are keeping them there. So, please tell me, what brings you to this location? Is it the hot food counter? If so, should I buy lunch from it more often?

2)    The Confederation Pkwy and City Centre Drive Light is SO DAMN LONG

I like to practice safe strolling, but the light at this intersection is too damn long. Ain't nobody got time to wait for, like, three minutes to get to Starbucks or RBC. What if it's cold out? I can't be expected to shiver on a street corner indefinitely, getting hypothermia when all I really want to do is take out $20 for dim sum.  

3)    Everyone Uses the Second Cup Patio When It's Cold Out

This is a good thing because patios are wonderful and our summers are so short. However, I notice dozens of brave souls perched on outdoor chairs on terribly chilly spring and fall nights and I feel cold just looking at them. Why are these people so mighty? How can they enjoy their coffee and conversation while bitter winds blow through their airy cardigans and mess up their carefully coifed hair? Someone please explain the appeal of the chilled patio! Does the latte take the edge off? What if you want an iced drink?

4)    The 2 AM Fire Alarm

While condo living is great, there’s a huge downside: the 2 am fire alarm. There’s almost never a fire (a good thing), but that isn’t always much comfort when you know you have to be up in four hours. Basically, you know some douche pulled the alarm just to be a dick. He or she thinks it’s hilarious that you have to lie in bed listening to incessant beeping while your weary concierge provides live updates on the state of the non-emergency. False alarms are the devil. They aren’t only annoying, they’re a massive waste of resources and a brutal time-suck for fire crews. They also make people complacent and less likely to acknowledge the very real possibility of a fire the next time the alarm sounds in the dead of night.  So stop pulling that alarm for shits and giggles, mmmkay? 

5)    The Driving

Driving in any dense area is difficult and City Centre is no exception. Firstly, why do people insist on stopping in the middle of the street (usually a side street, to be fair) to get their bearings? No no no! This is not safe and you must never do it! NEVER! Secondly, why do people pull out onto the road without checking for other cars? It can be hard to see, but don't tempt fate by saying "fuck it" and making a hard right onto Confederation from the street-side parking spots without taking a good long look at the road behind you. Thirdly, be courteous. City driving can be frustrating, but you'll always feel good about having treated fellow drivers and pedestrians with respect. Don't slow down too much to look for addresses (pull over if you must), don't take turns at 100 clicks an hour and don't miss an advance green because you're confirming Thanksgiving dinner with your mom on Facetime. 

Bonus: 

I-Take-Shopping-Carts-Home: 

Newsflash! Your 25 cent deposit at No Frills or using a cart in Wal-Mart does not give you the right to take that shopping cart to your condo.  I know it’s difficult to haul 10 bags across Burnhamthorpe with a kid in tow and no car, but that 25 cent deposit is just that --  A DEPOSIT! It does not mean you have purchased the cart. Buy a grocery pull cart from any supermarket and use that instead of stealing. And the worst thing is they just leave it on the side of the road or even worse your condo hallway thinking the Wal-Mart kid is going to pick it up!

 

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